A Valentine's horoscope

I keep this card above my computer that my husband gave me for Valentine's Day years ago. Back when we still did cards on Valentine's day. Back when we still did Valentine's Day. I'm guessing 1993.

(For a bittersweet bah humbug on the Hallmark holiday, do read Nancy Gibbs' essay in this week's TIME.)

I'm an Aries. Here's what it says:

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. Your feelings of superiority mask your total mediocrity. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a pr*ck.

Yep. That pretty much nails it. It also pretty much sums up my marriage that this is the one card I've chosen to keep all these years. Romance is as romance does; give me funny any day.

Happy V Day.

P.S. When I came downstairs this morning, there was a huge bouquet of flowers, three cards and three boxes of chocolates (one from each member of my family, including the gestating one). And not a one of the cards included a fart joke, though one featured Cupid changing up his style by mooning his subjects. So.